"I say, you don't know what golf is? I thought everyone knew golf."

Bertie now considers it his duty to explain.

"It's this sport, you see, invented by chaps in Scotland, because they have a lot of holes there. The general idea is to take a club and then put a ball on the ground then give the ball a good whack with said club, such that the ball goes flying through the air, ideally towards the green. You want to get the ball in the hole, without falling prey to sandtraps and wayward trees and the like.

"And then afterwards you picnic and drink whiskey and s."